- Cloris Leachman pretended (?) to be homeless, then accosted unsuspecting shoppers at the farmer's market. "I was voted off," she tells one dad. "Oh no. That's .... horrible,"he replies, obviously having no idea who she is or what she's doing there. I feel ya, buddy.
- Alicia Keys blah blah blah fast forwarded
- Then we relived the season that was: the "Italian Stallion," Cloris's cleavage, the free willy step .... and not one mention of the chicken dinner. What gives?
- Did you hear Misty got hurt? Did you? Wait, we have more footage to remind you of it.
- Yet more Cloris, in movie trailer form this time.
- Jeffrey Ross returns to "roast" the finalists. Roasting is not funny in general, and this one was about as pointless as trying to make any fashion sense out of Samantha's dress.
- And right at the end, Miley Cyrus came out to rock the ballroom one last time.
But there's more! We were treated to the always train wreckish return dances of previous contestants.
- Jeffrey Ross tries to convince the world karate kicks are part of ballroom dance.
- Who is Ted Johnson again?
- Kim Kardashian stopped dancing in the middle of her routine. Ah Kim, how I don't miss you at all.
- OMG you guys, Misty got hurt during the competition! She can't dance right now. Have you heard?
- Aww, Dismirnoff. I miss you guys. You were always my favorites.
- Toni Braxton is also recovering from surgery because that's what all the cool kids are doing. Moving on ...
- THANK GOD Cloris and Corky spared us from having to watch one of their spicier routines and stuck to a far less creepy tango. Still, she has received more screen time on this results show than the finalists.
- Susan Lucci - still a fledgling pigeon. Yawn.
- Maurice and his neon pajamas are back. The free willy is not. I suddenly have the urge for a chicken dinner.
- America, I still hate you for voting Cody and Julianne off. And I'm still not over the fact they aren't in the finals.
And then each couple finally got to dance, over an hour into the proceedings. This was their last chance to be scored by the judges, and we all pretended that these scores would have any effect on the final outcome.
The Disney Chicklette came all the way from New Hampshire to be here, and she will be sharing her thoughts here, on this momentous occasion:
Warren and Kym: Interesting that they chose to repeat the hustle, one of the styles the judges don't know how to evaluate. I'm not really sure how no one has caught on to the fact that Warren is known to the sporting world as a general buttface. Tom has even hinted at it on the show, alluding to certain uses of intimidation in the red room. Warren was always an arrogant loud-mouth in the NFL, and according to certain inside reports things have not changed much. Too bad America did that figure that out in time to save Cody and Julianne.
Lance and Lacey: It was their last chance to get a 10 from Len, so Lance and Lacey chose to redo their jitterbug. Too bad it didn't work. Risky move repeating their best-scoring performance one week after they originally unveiled it, and as Carrie-Ann pointed out, not really as good as the first time they did it. Lance managed to keep both shoes on this time, and all in all, it was a good performance.
Brooke and Derek: They brought Carrie-Ann and Brooke's fiance to tears with their Viennese Waltz. Brooke is at her best in the slow ballroom dances, and it showed on this one. The judges gave them a perfect score, but I'm not really sure it was worth a cry. I'll save my tears for Cloris' next appearance.
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