THIS is (Not Really) AMERICAN IDOL

Ba nah nah nah nah nah ..... whoa-oa-oa. Okay, so I've been terribly negligent with blogging this week (Bad Disney Chick! Bad!) but my absence can be blamed on a few things: American Idol, otherwise known as the Greatest Timesuck on Television, is back, as are most of my usual shows (House, LOST: I'm still waitiiiiing), and a plane crashed. Fine, so that last one doesn't have as much to do with my absence as the first two. But it did happen! In my fair city!

Anyhoo, I spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday night rejoicing in all the silliness that is American Idol. Simon's blank staring, Paula's too-nice demeanor ("look on the bright side - you're a pretty girl"), Randy's general awesomeness, and even newbie Kara Dioguardi's no-nonsense criticism (finally, a good role model for girls on this show). And being a big Idol nerd, one would think I'd be super stoked about the American Idol Experience at the Hollywood Studios, which has started the soft opening phase. But I'm not. I want to be, but - meh.

Here's a sneak peek at the setup (via Orlando Attractions Magazine):



Meh. I mean, it all looks authentic, but what makes American Idol so great isn't the sets or the lights or the pseudo-drama - it's the people. I'm sure the Cast Members will do their best, but is it really going to be the same when some person who is not Randy Jackson yells "We got a hot one tonight!" Or when another Cast Member giggles and falls off her chair and accidentally gives away the ending a la Paula Abdul? Or when AIE's "Simon" sneers and refers to a performance as "caberet"? Okay, that's unlikely to happen, but what will be even worse is when the critiques come out all soft and Disneyfied (as they have to - guests aren't paying good money to be publicly humiliated):

non-Randy: "You're in the Dawg House tonight- with Pluto!"
non-Paula: "A dream is a wish your heart makes - and I WISH to hear more of that singing!"
non-Simon: "You sounded like Donald Duck sneezing into a tuba."

Ugh. If anything, watching the actual American Idol has convinced me that the show's popularity is due to 3 things: the chemistry between the judges, the personalities of the contestants as they get revealed over the course of the show, and the anticipation that someone is going to fall flat in a spectacular fashion. So for me, all the American Idol Experience would be is watching moderately talented people sing with lots of crazy lights and music and whatever. But having musically talented (and willing) people in the park every day isn't a given, so I guess I don't see the long-term potential in this attraction - and I haven't seen it, so if you've been able to get into one of the preview performances, I'd love to hear about it.

But unless the non-Ryan Seacrest is going to try and high-five a blind guy, I remain unconvinced.