Dancing with the Stars: Land of Plenty Edition

For the first time this season, all the contestants are on a level playing field - no one is absent from injuries, no one is a last-minute replacement. Let's see how this affects the QOD (quality of dance), shall we?

Denise Richards and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Dear heavens, Maks is dressed as the Chiquita Banana girl. Make it stop! This was pretty terrible, but there are a few things to note here: 1. Filter is not appropriate music for the samba, 2. something was lost on the dance floor (a boob insert?), 3. it's ridiculous to yell at them for not doing a party dance given the music they were assigned.

Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough: Seriously, who is in charge of selecting the music? FAIL. However, costume department - high five. They are undoubtably the best looking couple here. I thought this was a huge improvement over last week - lovely and graceful, hideous music selection notwithstanding.

Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin: Whiiiiiine .... Holly is annoying. Dmitry did a good job with what he was given, although it looked like Holly was being dragged around through most of it. As much as I love Dmitry, I will not miss them when they are inevitably kicked off.

Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer: Steve-O doesn't really need to dance to stick around, as evidenced by last week. And then he hurt himself again! But I actually thought this was quite good (minus the obvious mistakes), and for the first time this evening, they had a decent song to work with. I think they should be safe tomorrow night.

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska: This choreography was pretty blah, but Lawrence definitely has some moves. I think he's definitely becoming increasingly confident and should continue to improve in the coming weeks. Len's 6 seemed a little low, but I think they're safe for next week.

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas: Seriously, could they be more adorable? (No. No they could not.) This dance was, in a word, gorgeous. I loved the ebb and flow of the choreography - they are far and away the best couple here and 100% the couple to beat. A well-deserved 27.

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke: I love Gilles' mom. I do not love his Christmas pajamas and matching slippers. Setting that aside, Gilles can definitely shake it. And the producers are clearly trying to push him into the finals - hello, butt close-up. Not that I'm complaining.

David Alan Grier and Kym Johnson: Honestly, I forgot these two were still here, but I thought this was a fun routine. They were amazingly in sync throughout, and I loved Kym's choreography. Definitely their best dance thus far - they might make a fan out of me yet!

Steve Wozniak and Karina Smirnoff: Oh dear, the Woz and sexy dancing do not mix. Annnd, we have our umpteenth injury of the season. Also, he did the worm. The WORM. Steve is kind of like the drunk uncle at a wedding who bogarts the dance floor after a few too many gimlets, but I do kind of love him. The judges obviously want him gone, but I think that's kind of crap after praising Cloris Leachman all last season.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani: Melissa has become a definite contender in this thing, so I give her all the credit in the world. I never thought I would support Tony, but here we are. Stranger things have happened.

Lil' Kim and Derek Hough: Uh, no. This was so awkward and clumsy, complete with forgotten steps and a very non-ladylike skank face during the raunchy bits. I don't know why on earth the judges continue to lavish undeserved praise on her, but ... no. Just .... no.

Ty Murray and Chelsie Hightower: Well well well ... Ty has become quite the dancer. I felt bad that Chelsie fell (twice!) but they didn't miss a beat. These two have become one of my favorite couples - a true class act.

It's a tough call, but I think Holly or, sadly, Steve Wozniak is going home tomorrow.