Dancing with the Stars: "You Tried to Be a Lady But You're More Comfortable Being a Tramp" Edition

5 couples! 2 dances! Solo rounds! We're in the home stretch now!

BALLROOM ROUND:

Shawn and Mark: YAY! I held my breath through their whole performance - so fast! so cute! And they danced to an Aladdin song! Of course, the judges find stupid fault with it because if they didn't, then they couldn't fix the competition so Gilles could win. But for everyone else who's playing fair, this was a perfect 30 routine.

Ty and Chelsie: Could Chelsie be any hotter? Choo Choo! Hot tamale train coming through! I loved the choreography here - this was a difficult dance too. Ty is never going to be the smoothest, suavest guy out there, but he's definitely the most likeable.

Lil Kim and Derek: I'm not entirely sure what story they were trying to convey, but this dance seemed awkward. And the height difference between Lil Kim and Derek automatically makes them a little clumsy looking. In a way, it almost doesn't matter - they're going to rock the latin round.

Gilles and Cheryl: Of course they would be doing a foxtrot to "Fever." Of course. There have definitely been better foxtrots on this show, but the judges don't know it. There wasn't much content in this routine at all, but no one seems to care. Why would the judges bother critiquing fairly?

Melissa and Tony: Hideous Kleenex sleeves alert! The choreography was super cheesy here, but it did show off Melissa's best weapon - her leg extensions. I'm glad she was saved last week, and you just know Tony can taste the semifinals at this point.

Intermission: What in the name of Hades is this stupid pro dancer pageant? And why is Cody Linley being dragged into this nonsense?

LATIN ROUND:

Shawn and Mark: Um. AWESOME. Who knew Shawn could lose the cute and pull that off? Gorgeous lines, flawless technique, just amazing. Oh wait, Len wants to complain (and haha, Mark rolls his eyes). Shawn is lightyears better than everyone else in this competition - its so frusterating how she's been consistently underrated and underscored this whole season. But finally, some 10s. Should have been a 30.

Ty and Chelsie: You kind of knew this was going to be a disaster, but oh dear. Ty does make up for his lack of rumba skills by being so darn adorable, and I love that his solo consisted of awkward hip gyrations. America, please. Keep him one more week.

Lil Kim and Derek: Lil Kim seems to be having an off night. There were a couple blunders and it wasn't always synchronized ... almost like she was so excited to be doing the salsa that she couldn't control her energy. But oh dear, I replayed Bruno's awkward song-and-dance celebration a couple times - "You spin my head right round right round when you get down when you get down" - genius. Amazing.

Gilles and Cheryl: Oh dear. Of course - of course - they are dancing to "Sexual Healing." Dear DWTS: we get it. Gilles is a sexy man. You know what is not sexy? Powder blue mesh shirts. Also, how clever of Cheryl to choreograph some rolling around on the ballroom floor - which is not dance-related, nor appropriate. Is anyone else bored with these two?

Melissa and Tony: Haha, Melissa: "I don't know if I'm a celebrity, so can I get out of [the solo] on a technicality?" Oh, I love you a little more for that. Melissa's boob fell out (mortifying) but she kept going! Although I was so focused on her impending wardrobe malfunction, this was a great, great routine.

Sadly, I think Ty might be riding off into the sunset tomorrow. Sigh.