Dancing with the Stars: Razamatazz and Man-Boobs Edition

It's another season of Dancing with the Stars, with a fun twist: I'll be co-blogging this season over at The Disney Blog, one of my absolute favorite sites, every other week. That fun starts next week, and on the weeks when I'm not recapping across the mouse-o-sphere, you can find me here. So without further adieu ...

The sequins are back. The awkward first-time dancing is back. Bruno is back. Season 9 is here. And it brought Tom DeLay.

This season is "supersized," which roughly translates to "we cast 16 celebrities to make up for the fact that 1/4 of them will injure themselves at some point." Point taken, Season 8.

Oh dear oh my oh God oh no, Season 9 is kicking off with the professional male dancers being lowered from the ceiling while awkwardly mugging for the camera to the sounds of "The Boys are Back in Town." What is this, a Cher concert? Mark, as usual, has let his hamminess get the better of him and appears to be doing his own dance ... Maks may be drunk? Season 9 is beginning to frighten me.

Aaron and Karina: Aaron Carter, I saw you in concert when you were 8 or so. You threw Hershey bars into the audience while singing "Candy Girl" or something. And now, here you are, wearing lacy shirts and failing to impress with backflip-laden rehearsal entrances. Cha Cha: Aaron seemed more disco than cha cha at times and Karina's pants were horrendous, but all in all I thought this was a solid first run. I agree with the judges that he has plenty of potential - it's up to Karina to mold him.

Chuck and Anna: Foxtrot: What do you get when you cross Chuck Liddell with a foxtrot? A boxtrot! It wasn't terrible, just clunky - which, in a foxtrot, is a bad thing. He's an obvious fan favorite, and could end up being the Ty Murray of this season. I find his awkwardness sort of endearing, and I can't wait to see him do Latin ballroom.

Mark and Lacey: Cha Cha: In case the music, costumes, and light show didn't make it clear, Mark does kung fu. And whoa, Mark has some hips - he has huge potential and a really good partner in Lacey. I think the judges were a little harsh given that it's only the first week, but this is a couple to watch.

Ashley and Edyta: Ashley has been through all kinds of injuries over the course of his life, which makes him adequately prepared for this show. Foxtrot: He's not a bad dancer, just a little awkward at times, and I agree with the judges that he needs to find some grace and showmanship.

Donny and Kym: Donny could barely contain himself when Marie was on this show, and was prone to fits of hysterical crying and occasional stage-rushing. In other words, this man was made for TV. Donny has a real shot to win, given his huge fan base, and I'm glad he's paired with Kym. Foxtrot: Holy cow, this was a smart routine. Well. Done. Kym. A well-deserved standing O - he's going to be a huge contender this season. He has some technical issues, but nothing that can't be fixed.

Louis and Chelsie: Louis, I am a little bit in love with you. And Chelsie, I'm still your biggest fan. She's a great teacher and he's adorable - they make me all smiley. Foxtrot: Awww, kitties! So sweet. Grandpa Len thinks Louis's hair is too long, and also to GET OFF MA LAWN. Bruno called Louis a dancing hobbit, which is actually a perfect description. Love love love - wtf 6's? EPIC FAIL, judges.

Michael and Anna D: Michael chose to do the show because of Jerry Rice - if he's not careful, he's going to end up co-hosting future editions of DanceCenter. Michael is also prone to screaming in rehearsals - it's week one and he's already coming unhinged. Cha Cha: Michael has been taking hamming lessons from Mark Ballas, and the effect was less Dancing with the Stars and more Dancing at a Wedding. Anna gets her wrist slapped for making the dance too easy (she's new, so we'll forgive her), and the judges were on point with their mixed reviews.

Tom and Cheryl: This season's clown, following in the footsteps of such DWTS greats as Wayne Newton and Cloris Leachman, is almost too painful to watch. Cha Cha: Of course. It had to start with a butt wiggle. After Cheryl's last season with Gilles, it seems the producers want to make things even by pairing her with the least sexy man they could find. This routine featured air guitars, unfortunate lip synching, and a come hither wink at Bruno. "Bloody hell, what is going on?" our resident Italian cried. I couldn't have said it better.

And then, the relay dances. I think it's a little early for the celebs to be doing two dances, and the first go-round (salsa) was pretty unremarkable, except for the part where Louis is way better than everyone. Donny is proclaimed the winner by the judges, proving that - as I say every season - this show is rigged. But at least he's more likeable than Gilles.

In the Viennese relay waltz (just what American television has been missing), Mark gets a cookie for the best line of the evening - "Remember Tom, this is a RElay, not a DElay" - as well as having the best mini-routine. Michael also did well, Tom was ... Tom, and Aaron - I keep looking at him hoping Cody Linley will appear. Aaron is deemed the winner, but this was a close race.

Tomorrow, it's up to the ladies to show their stuff. See you then!

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Related Links:

* New Dancing with the Stars Cast Announced