Five (More) People You Meet in WDW

A few months ago, I posted a field guide to WDW, detailing some of the creatures you may encounter while visiting the jungles of the Disney theme parks. The response I received through Twitter and in the comments was amazing – not only had you met these creatures in the wild, but you spotted new species of your own! Inspired by your comments, I took careful notes on my last trip to WDW, and I discovered a few other species worth mentioning. Come aboard, explorers!

The Teen Wolves – Normally of the teenage boy variety, Teen Wolves are capable of spoiling any family vacation. Their shame of being seen in public with their family is only bested by their need to prove their manhood by destroying everything in their path. Teen Wolves can usually be found walking across the grass, using the queue rails to demonstrate gymnastic skills, standing while the ride is in motion, and anything else that is normally prohibited.

The Neon Army – Known by some commenters as “The Tour Group” or “Turismos,” the Neon Army goes beyond the typical group outing. Capable of numbering in the hundreds, the Neon Army swarms upon the unsuspecting parks, feasting on empty space and rare moments of quiet. They clog queue lines, talk during shows, stand in the middle of pathways, and generally bring shame upon their home countries. There are also subspecies of the Neon Army known as The Family Reunion, in which up to 50 people who share a gene pool visit the parks together while wearing matching t-shirts, or The Middle School Field Trip, in which several packs of Teen Wolves travel together and create mayhem. If you see the latter of these groups, quickly head in the opposite direction.

The Reluctant Riders – Often found on the more thrilling attractions, the Reluctant Riders are always joined by a more enthusiastic member of their party who has previously been on said attraction. If you are near a Reluctant Rider in line, you will be forced to listen to questions like, How fast does this ride go? No really, how fast? Would you say it’s faster than the Tomorrowland Speedway? Now, when you say “drop 13 stories,” it’s not really going to drop us, right? RIGHT?! The best way to quiet a Reluctant Rider is to turn around and tell them everything will be okay. The Reluctant Rider will become embarrassed at being publicly recognized for cowardice and will usually suffer the rest of the wait time in quiet, shaking terror.

The Space Invaders – The Space Invaders are the antithesis to the Space Cadets, mentioned in my previous guide. Space Invaders are so excited to get on a ride that they will stop at nothing to get there as fast as possible. This includes crossing the boundaries of personal space. If there is a Space Invader behind you, expect to be attacked by body odor, strong perfume/cologne, and a sharp pain when the Space Invader inevitably steps on your heels. Dirty looks have no effect on this group; if you are unlucky enough to have a Space Invader behind you, I recommend moving to the front of your party. Sorry Grandma, it’s every man for himself back there.

The Jerkfaces – Oh, the Jerkfaces. We’ve all seen them. Commonly described in words too salty for this blog, these guys think they rule the park and so the rules don’t apply to them. They can be found littering, smoking outside designated areas, taunting wildlife, climbing Mexican temples, and occasionally falling from the sky. Unfortunately, Jerkfaces are rarely brought to justice for their crimes against theme park etiquette. Normally I would endorse making a citizen’s arrest, but frankly, these mouthbreathers aren’t worth your time.

Have you encountered any of these types in the parks? Call them out in the comments below!

This post is part of the DisMarks Blog Carnival. For more great Disney reads, click here.

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Related Links:
* The Five People You Meet in Line at WDW
* An Open Letter to 3D
* Golden Oak: If You're Not Rich, Then Why Are You Reading This?